Dear Husband

Love doesn’t mean anything if you’re not willing to make a commitment, and you have to think not only about what you want, but about what he wants. Not just now, but in the future. That’s when I finally got it. I finally understood. It wasn’t the thought that counted. It was the actual execution that mattered, the showing up for somebody. The intent behind it wasn’t enough. Not for me. Not anymore. It wasn’t enough to know that deep down, he loved me. You had to actually say it to somebody, show them you cared. And he just didn’t. Not enough. You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul..

He is the reason for everything I am now. I am stronger because of him. I make myself better than before, because of him. He is the reason for all my reasons. Obstacles may be hard or harsh or hurt, I stay strong for my future. He is my first and I pray he would be my last. No one can change that status of mine. No one!

Each night when I’m alone, this is what I always do secretly. I browse back at all of our pics together from the beginning to now. I see how cheerful our pic is. As I turn to next pic to next pic to next pic, the feelings change. There is no smile or sun in it. All I see was sorrows full of darkness and hatred. I miss seeing the past us. I want it back that way. But it's like the hatred become stronger as days past. With less love left to fight for and overcome it from nothing left. Struggling as much as I can to hold strong the few love left and hoping for each hatred turn to love and bygone. It's not easy doing it alone. When at times you hoping so much that you and he is not only about “marriage” to be with each other and spent time with. You want it to be out of “high” activity. But the hope always will crash. It hard to come true. Must it only be in my dream? Can’t realities be as what you dream of it? No one stays strong forever, not even brick. It will collapse when the...

I miss you so much suddenly. What worse is that I’ve started tripping myself. I was talking to myself. I kept seeing you around me and pampering me. I saw you doing the thing you love the most, deejaying at one corner. I am starting to be crazy each day now… Im sorry, I force myself to do all of this towards you. I can't sleep without you beside me. But no matter what and how it is, I won't show it to you. Im no longer who you use to know. Im different. Im always high just liked you. “When you show him, he is your world but by his ways and actions of losing you mean nothing to him, “

This morning, I woke up with tears in my eyes and your memories in mind. I miss you so very much. I loved you when no one else did. I gave you chances. I invested my time and energy for you. I miss it when you say I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that you’ll love me until the end of time. The guy who I spend hours with, just talking and laughing and talking some more. I miss the guy who looked at me like I was his whole world and held me tight, making me feel more love than I ever knew was possible. I miss the kind guy whose kiss filled my insides with a thousand butterflies. I miss waking up with you laying next to me, watching your chest rise and fall as you continued to sleep deeply. Don’t you ever say I lied about how I felt? I will always love you and even though you said those mean things in the end, I prayed last night for you. I asked the Lord to give you the courage to live again. I also pleaded that you won’t be lonely when I’m gone. I want you to be happy, fo...

Old people always say “What you give, is what you will get”. But what I see that I have to give a lot to many people and what I receive back is only pains. I know we must be patient in everything for good things to happen. How long have I been waiting patiently? Since young age. Now, how old am I? I’m 26 years now, still, I have to wait for the miracle to happen. In whatever I did and with whoever I love with, I always give the best for him and for our relationship. Never did I stop trying to be the best despite all my failed attempts. But why when come to me, I was treated unimportant and careless? Is my life only about me giving to people? Can’t I get the same treatments as what I have given to many? Who should I blame for what had happened to me? Every drop tears of mine are useless. I cant do anything even with thousands of tries I’ve made. Crying to myself looking at my life full of sorrows. Keep and keep all of it to myself as much as I can hold. I know I’m going to burst it ou...

I deserve so much more for the sacrifices I have made, but I have learned life is not fair and neither is love. The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling just to stop the tears from falling… That moment when you burst out crying in your room and you realize that no one knows how unhappy you are.

Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be. Life is ultimately filled with events that may cause us great difficulty and great pain. There are going to be people in our lives that we thought would always be there for us that disappear. Then that’s where when we all sit and asking to ourselves, why is our life fate this way, why is it so unfair, why me, why must you suffer all of this and why so on and so on. Many “WHYs” appear looking for the right answer. Search high and low, ask here and there, still your “WHYs” end with no answers. “Life is unfair.” Said the wise man.

Everyone in your life will hurt you sooner or later. But you will have to decide. What is more important? The Pain Or The Person…??

It's raining. Heavily rain here. Im on the bus heading home but why am I feeling empty. Jealous? Why?

Our prayers should be for a blessing in general, for God knows best what is good for us as miracles do occur, but one has to work hard for them to happen. I learn to hide my heartaches and woes under these pleasant smile of mine. I never express to the world what I can do but I show the world by doing it.  I do remember that to be angry is to revenge the fault of others without realising that every minute of my anger, Im actually losing sixty seconds of my happiness. Wiseman said, “Anger is a short madness. Don’t allow it to ruin longstanding relations.” So I guess it's better to forget and smile rather than remember and be sad.  The heart has its reasons, which, reason does not know. But all I ever wanted is what others have more not less. That's all. *The missing part of her is “The Happiness “

We can think of what to type to describe the feeling we felt. We may also re-edit and change the words, in any case, we find it unsuitable for our feeling felt. But, it just words over words no matter how marvellous we put it to let others somehow feel a bit of our agony from the words used. The pain we felt, no words can really describe it in deep details as words can’t be felt. It only meant to be read at without any emotions touch. Sometimes, you end up run out of words to write. And sometimes, the words we use to reach out is not the right one to use. Staring at the blank screen page hoping for it to write itself of what exactly we are facing in our everyday journey. To hope so deep is not a wise thing to do. Too much hoping can actually cause you terrible pain. “I hope. I hurt. I love and now, I’m in Agony.”

I believe that none could love you quite as deeply as I do; And yet I often fail to show the depth of it to you. I vow to do the little things, to show you every day; But one thing or another seems to get in the way. I pledge to be more open, to have the courage and be strong; But somehow fear takes over and then everything goes wrong. I dream of perfect love for us, and hope that it will be; And yet I end up giving you a less than perfect me. I want to be much more for you, be everything you need. I hope and seek, beg and pray “Change me, God! “, I plead. You are the only one I want. It is for you I yearn. I guess, my love, there’s still so much that I have yet to learn. I cannot give perfection, but this I promise I will do – I will spend my life learning how to give my love to you.

Everybody’s looking for a something, one thing that makes it all complete. Well, for me it’s waking up beside you, to watch the sunrise on your face, to know that I can say, ‘I love you,’ in any given time or place. Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to work hard for it and wait for it, but it’s even more difficult to regret. They told me that to make him fall in love I had to make him laugh. But every time he laughs I’m the one who falls in love. A great love? It’s when you shed tears and still you care for him, it’s when he ignores you and still you long for him, it’s when he begins to love another and yet you still smile and say, I’m happy for you.

I have learned that sometimes sorry is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change. A big lesson that we must learn in life is that though things do not always go our way if we are willing to keep a positive attitude and keep a positive mindset in our daily lives period, there is nothing that can get in our way.                          Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have. So no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. This is what I always remind myself and this is also what makes me stronger each day whenever im falling down.